12. Hypercritical Outlook
We all have flaws and quirks that require compassion from our partners. But some people present themselves as perpetually unsatisfied, voicing constant criticism and disappointment in you and your relationship. Nitpicking your every decision or inability to measure up to their “standards” signals deep-seated insecurity.
I counseled a young man whose girlfriend relentlessly critiqued minor choices like his clothing, hairstyle, the restaurants he picked for dinner dates, even the way he did household chores. Her unending judgment wore down his self-esteem over months, leaving him withdrawn and unhappy. He hesitated leaving out of fear he was truly as inadequate as she claimed.
A hypercritical partner often seeks to lift themselves up by putting you down. Let them know their negativity is damaging the relationship. If no effort towards self-improvement results, leaving may be your only path towards emotional health. You deserve someone who celebrates you, flaws and all.
13. Manipulation
Controlling or manipulating your decisions and actions through guilt, silence, gaslighting or threat is a massive red flag I tell clients cannot be tolerated. Watch for any efforts, subtle or overt, your partner makes to exert influence over you or emotionally blackmail you into getting their way.
For example, a client’s boyfriend gave her the silent treatment for days after a fight, refusing to acknowledge her calls or texts. When finally responding, he blamed her “mistreatment” of him for his absence. In reality, he used this cold shoulder tactic to punish her for arguing with him in the first place.
Manipulation erodes self-worth over time if you begin to question your own judgment to avoid “punishments”. Stand firm and make clear these behaviors are unacceptable no matter what you’ve supposedly done “wrong”. Real love is not controlling or coercive.
14. Financial Irresponsibility
How a partner manages money says a lot about their values. Irresponsible spending habits like living beyond their means, making impulsive purchases, accumulating substantial debt, or refusing to budget at all indicate poor financial behaviors.
I’ve counseled couples torn apart by one partner’s reckless handling of money. Arguments about unpaid debts, lies about spending, and the stress of supporting someone unwilling to hold down steady work creates huge relationship strains. Financial mistrust is difficult to overcome.
Of course, we all have our indulgences now and then. But repeated overspending needs addressing. Help motivate them to track expenses, pay off debts, and create a realistic budget. If met with apathy or denial, this type of financial unreliability will eventually take its toll.