9. Anger Issues
Occasional anger when communicating about disagreements is normal. But frequent uncontrolled outbursts, rage, or taking frustrations out on you physically by throwing items, punching walls, or worse is alarming behavior.
I once counseled a woman whose partner’s unmanaged anger destroyed property when he felt criticized or ignored, even when her concerns were communicated calmly. His refusal to take responsibility showed an inability to regulate emotions healthily. Their fights escalated over time as his unchecked aggression worsened.
Anger issues often stem from past trauma and reflect poor coping mechanisms. While counseling can help overcome these patterns, the violent expression of anger must stop entirely. Make it clear that while you want to support them in seeking help, these behaviors will not be tolerated. If not addressed immediately, uncontrolled rage can become abusive. Your safety must come first.
10. Self-Centered Perspective
Relationships require seeing each other’s point of view, not just our own. Watch for signs your partner consistently struggles to empathize or only sees how situations impact them. Self-absorption tends to manifest as making everything about “me” and “my” feelings without consideration for a partner’s needs or struggles.
For example, I worked with a woman whose partner was laid off from his job and came to rely on her financially. When she tried to discuss her stress about taking on extra work to pay their bills solo, he always flipped the conversation back to his anxiety about being unemployed. An inability to recognize how his self-pity made supporting him even harder showed a complete self-focus.
Early on, this type of self-centered perspective may just seem a bit immature. But left unmanaged, the refusal to put yourself in your partner’s shoes will breed resentment over time. Explain how their self-focus makes you feel unappreciated and unheard. If met with defensiveness or denial instead of understanding, it may be time to rethink the relationship.
11. Isolation from Friends and Family
When entering a new relationship, it’s normal to want to spend most of your free time together in those blissful early days. But be wary if your partner tries to cut you off from family and friends, wants you all to themselves, and pressures you to stop seeing people important to you.
A client I worked with began dating someone who slowly but persistently severed her ties to loved ones. He discouraged her from attending her weekly cocktail dates with college friends, guilt tripped her for spending less time with him when her parents visited, and refused to accompany her on visits home saying her family didn’t “get” him. His isolation efforts left her conflicted and depressed.
Your social support system provides perspective. Isolating you from that allows unhealthy dynamics to go unnoticed. While bonding with a new love is exciting, maintain your existing connections. Let your partner know these people remain priorities in your life as well, and address any insecurity driving their isolation efforts.