6. Dishonesty
To build a strong foundation, a relationship needs openness, honesty and trust. Watch for signs of deception like catching your partner in outright lies, inconsistencies in their stories, omitting important information, or covering their tracks about how they spend their time.
I counseled a man who was seriously dating someone for months before discovering she was still legally married and hiding it from him. She’d spun an elaborate story to explain why she wasn’t yet divorced that he wanted to believe, willfully ignoring red flags like her request to never meet at her home. While difficult, uncovering her ongoing dishonesty was necessary to protect himself and end the relationship.
Not every lie is a deal breaker – sometimes dishonesty early on comes from simply wanting to impress someone new. But consistent deception on important matters must be addressed for the relationship to move forward. Gently confront them about why they feel the need to be untruthful. Rebuilding broken trust takes time but it can be done if both partners are truly committed.
7. Unpredictable Mood Swings
Everyone has bad days where they may seem a little more irritable or sensitive. But extreme unpredictable mood swings are a concern. I advise clients to take note if their partner alternates drastically between positive and negative emotional extremes, especially in ways that feel unstable or irrational.
For example, one day showering you with affection and gifts for no occasion and the next picking a fight and cutting off communication over something small. Or acting cheerful one moment and bursting into tears the next. Mood swings that feel unprovoked or disproportionate to the situation at hand indicate a lack of emotional regulation.
If confronted, they may blame external circumstances like work stress. But improving mood stability takes self-awareness and a willingness to work on communication and emotional intelligence. Unmanaged, this volatility can become exhausting over time, negatively impacting the health of the relationship.
8. Substance Misuse
Substance use exists on a spectrum, from social drinking to full addiction. An occasional drink or recreational drug use with friends may not be cause for concern. However, clear misuse and abuse is a major red flag I tell clients must be addressed.
Signs may include frequently drinking to excess, using substances alone to cope with stress or emotions, continuing to use despite negative consequences, financial issues due to spending on substances, irrational behavior while intoxicated, and an inability to stop.
As a relationship coach, I’ve seen addiction badly damage partnerships. Loved ones often enable problem drinking or drug use inadvertently by making excuses or shielding the user from consequences. While supportive, true change requires honesty. The user must take responsibility by admitting they have a problem and seeking professional treatment. A relationship with an addict who refuses help requires setting firm boundaries or ending entirely for your own well-being.