4. Sudden Over-the-Top Displays of Affection
Developing feelings for someone is an exciting experience! In new relationships, it’s only natural to want to lavish each other with affection. But be wary if demonstrations of devotion become extreme before you’ve had a chance to really get to know each other. Known as “love bombing,” smothering you with praise, gifts, and promises of lifelong commitment right off the bat may seem flattering at first but should raise suspicions.
I once worked with a client who after a few dates was besieged by her new boyfriend with dozens of roses, mixed CDs, handwritten poems, and declarations of being “soulmates” when they’d barely gotten to know each other yet. It made her very uncomfortable, especially as his over-the-top gestures were often followed by periods of needy demands for her time and attention.
This type of excessive affection right from the start is usually an attempt to fast-track emotional intimacy. It may be motivated by insecurity or even narcissism. While not always a deal breaker, it’s important to slow things down, communicate your boundaries, and get to know each other at a healthy pace. Pay close attention to any shift in demeanor when you do.
5. Extreme Jealousy and Possessiveness
It’s natural to feel a little jealous sometimes when your partner interacts with others. But extreme jealousy and controlling behavior is a huge red flag I urge people to watch for. Excessive check-ins when you’re apart, interrogations about who you’re with, accusations of flirting or cheating with no basis in reality – these are all very unhealthy signs.
I counseled a young woman whose boyfriend would demand she immediately return his calls and texts even when she was at work. If she didn’t, he would accuse her of being with other men. He also forbidden her from going out with friends without him present because he thought she would meet someone new. His irrational jealousy destroyed her social life and eventually her self-esteem.
Possessiveness like this is about control, not love. If confronted, an extremely jealous partner may promise to change but often the behaviors continue and escalate over time. While professional help can sometimes make a difference, in many cases this extreme insecurity requires ending the relationship entirely.