Relationships can be complicated. As a relationship coach with over 15 years of experience counseling couples, I’ve seen my fair share of ups and downs. While every relationship has its challenges, there are some behaviors that go beyond normal issues and could indicate more serious problems down the road. These “red flags” are important to recognize early so you can address them before real damage is done.
In my work, I’ve identified 15 major red flags that should not be ignored in a relationship. I’ve drawn these red flags from research as well as real-life examples from clients. My goal is to help you identify potential pitfalls so you can either work to resolve them or make the difficult decision to move on from a toxic situation.
1. Inconsistency Between Words and Actions
One of the first red flags I advise couples to look out for is inconsistency between what their partner says and what they actually do. For example, they may claim to be ready to commit long-term but then act evasive when it comes time to meet each other’s families. Or they say they love you but their actions communicate distance and disinterest.
I once counseled a woman who was dating a man for over a year who kept promising to introduce her to his family. But there was always an excuse — they were out of town, it wasn’t a good time, he wanted to wait until after a holiday. His words said commitment but his actions didn’t back it up, which was understandably upsetting and confusing for my client.
In a healthy relationship, your partner’s words and behavior should align. Consistency builds trust. If you notice a persistent disconnect, address it directly with them to understand why. It could be a simple miscommunication or it could reveal a deeper issue like fear of commitment.